Sometimes we need to trip in order to move forward

Do you ever feel stuck? Your life has become stagnant? 

It can be difficult to find contentment in the things we do because we often encounter numerous obstacles. Whether it’s work, relationships, hobbies, goals, we can be sure there will be hurdles. But the most important thing we need to remember is that we cannot give up, we need to use the momentum to find a new direction.

Obstacles can happen for various reasons. You may be in a situation that you don’t feel you can change. You might want something that is not in your control to have, but you haven’t accepted it yet. You might be encountering a tough time in your life, one where you don’t have much support, don’t know how to ask for help, and as the days pass you fall deeper and deeper into the ditch. Maybe you simply don’t know how to move forward with the next steps in life. Maybe it’s so bad that it seems like it might be a combination of all the above. 

That’s where I am. 

The last six months have honestly been the toughest months of my life. I know it sounds like a hyperbole. It also has to do with perception because it’s what I am experiencing now. But it has been the lowest I have ever felt, the most out of control, and the most helpless. 

Being in this state impacts every other aspect of my life:

• Work life - it is extremely difficult to focus, my brain processing is slower, my mind wanders, and my antisocial tendencies make it difficult to manage meetings and responsibilities.

• Personal life - I isolate myself from friends and family, lack the energy to care for myself properly, and the thought of going outside and being around people makes me anxious.

• Hobbies and goals - I have zero interest in absolutely everything.

For me, it’s an “all of the above” situation.

A situation that I don’t feel I can change.

In this case that would be my involuntary state of mind. Sometimes the chemicals in your brain can be kept at bay of plateauing through social interaction, alone time, exercise, healthy nutrition, and general wellbeing activities. But there are other times when it’s not up to you. There’s nothing you did wrong, but those chemicals take a nosedive and everything else in your world goes with it. 

And just like that, you’re in a state of mind you never thought you would fall into. 

I want something that is not in my control to have, but I haven’t accepted it yet. 

What I wouldn’t give to find the mechanism that puts everything back to how it was - being productive at work, not having my partner desert me, feeling excited about the effort I was making to create a life I could be content with. I’m still learning to accept it. The waterfall of misfortune. We can’t radically change the present or alter the past, and science has yet to invent the time machine, we feel stuck.

So, here I am, stuck in a place that is out of my control and miles away from accepting it.

The lack of excitement that I feel? Well, that’s something you can’t change sometimes, you can only pretend for the benefit of those around you. You can only hope that when you get better you will once again find enjoyment in life. 

Encountering a tough time in my life.

It sometimes feels like things keep getting worse. The reality of life hits everyone at least once, but let’s be honest, for the vast majority of people it happens over what feels like an endless cycle. It is important to identify what is going well in life and what steps you have taken to improve how you feel.

It’s important to identify supports in your world - it might be family, friends, healthcare professionals, community groups, or anyone or any place where you feel safe and that you can rely on. 

You can’t make a person understand what you’re going through, want to be there for you, or make the effort to find ways to support you. However, when you are searching for reasons to stay, but all you can do is remember all the things that were taken from you through someone else’s selfish decision, it’s difficult to accept things. 

Practice asking for help.

I’m not someone who knows how to ask for help. Half the time I probably don’t even accept the problems I’m facing or the debilitating impact it’s having on my life. But I learned how to ask for help this past summer. I decided my life was more important than my pride. 

Maybe you simply don’t know how to move forward with the next steps in life. 

This is a big one for many people. Since childhood we are taught to dream and have goals. There is so much pressure from parents, educational institutions, employers, spouses, children, and general expectations of society. These pressures make enjoying the journey that is life seem difficult and disappointing. Every day you feel like a failure. 

So, instead, it’s about small steps. 

This is my small step. I write. For everything. It’s the only way I understand myself and my feelings. I have wanted to share my writing for a while. My ideas, my opinions, my advice. 

I will not tell you that you will magically stop feeling stuck in life, or without options, because that might not be realistic. But I can tell you that it’s all about a journey of finding yourself, your principles, your boundaries, your beliefs, your supports, your motivations, and anything else that is important to you. 

Put yourself first.

That in and of itself is something to be learned. But, trust me, it is the most important step you might ever take.

If you’re reading this now and you are feeling very down about life and yourself, reach out to someone. It’s the most important decision you can make. Accept help, people can surprise you.

Take care of yourself.