End of a Year, Start of Another

As Monica kindly pointed out at the end of Friends, “it’s the end of an era!” 

Everything feels distinctively real. 

As this year ends, it marks the ending to a terrible time in my life. However, I find it most helpful to think of life objectively. What does it all mean? What lesson did I learn? How can I use those lessons to move my life forward in a more positive way?

Through my experience this past year, there are quite a few lessons I have learned, and that is what I aim to share with you today.

Friends don’t need anything in return, they’re just there for you. 

Fortunately, I have had the opportunity to get to know a few of my friends on a much deeper level. I used to not reach out often or focus too long on my sadness because I felt it was no one’s responsibility but my own. I still feel that way, honestly, but I’m also trying to learn how to let people show how they support me. It is their way of showing how much I mean to them.

There are only a few friends who know what has been going on with me and it’s all because they asked. Of those few that know, about half don’t reach out anymore and I honestly do not hold any ill feelings towards them. I’m not the kind of person who reaches out to just talk about updates in my life, especially unsolicited. After all, the reason I avoided reaching out to them was because I don’t want to seem like I was adding my troubles onto someone else’s life. People at all times are experiencing at least one stressful factor, therefore, I respect any boundaries that are placed. But at the same time, it’s a good thing to know, because it means I now know those are not friends I can rely on in my times of need. This doesn’t mean I stop being friends with them, however, I just determine what our friendship looks like from my end. 

On the other hand, the other half, some who even encounter similar obstacles in life, have stuck with me. They check in on me, allow me to share, and contribute their experience, providing guidance and perspective. These friends have all told me the same thing when I express my gratitude “you don’t need to thank me, that’s what friends are for.” 

To me though, I’m immensely grateful because I was alone and these are people who showed me they would miss me if I was gone. I can’t even put into words what their support has meant to me, and just how much it has impacted my wellbeing. 

Sometimes all you need is someone to show you that you matter. 

Parents can be there for you when you really need them. 

Many of us struggle to share anything with our parents due to the judgment, the unrealistic expectations they have of us, and the generational gaps. Sometimes you are able to make small steps and other times you know there are limitations because people often can’t change strong beliefs.

But I am eternally grateful to my mother. Without her support, I wouldn’t be preparing for 2025. She is the only person that can tell you how defeated I was.

I learned that sometimes you have to allow people the space to show you how much they want to be there for you. 

Take your time.

I tend to worry a lot about time. Obsessively. Because it always feels like I’m wasting it. This year I learned to take things step by step. When you try to rush the process you just end up feeling disappointed and judging yourself more. 

I lost focus and control of absolutely everything in my life, including my work and emotions. Putting back the pieces is not instant. I’m still working extremely hard on that puzzle. But I learned that you have to take small steps.

Let go of the negative people, memories, and fantasies that hold you back.

When someone leaves you, steps on you while you’re down, and tells you that their problems are bigger than yours - well, just say “thank you for letting me know, good luck with everything”. It takes everything to wish someone well, considering the anger and desolation they have brought upon you, but it is the first step to staying strong and knowing you now need to move on.

Here is the most important thing to accept - you don’t need to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. The difficult thing is accepting that this is your new reality. While you know that those words are only the reality of the other person, and not yours, it is difficult to at that moment not feel unwanted and like you are a failure.

Most often, people do not think of the effects their words can have on another person, especially when they are hurt and angry and just want to put you down.

Can you imagine having the one person you finally let into your life make it a point to show you (and openly tell you) just how little you mattered to them? It takes time to be able to accept that someone who “loved you” was able to do that to you in a time when you had shared exactly what was going on with you and asked for time to figure things out. All I know is that it is alright to try your best not to miss someone who did that but also accepting that it will take time because you had something taken away from you. 

Not everyone is going to have the strength to support you when you most need it. However, I also believe that they don’t need to. So, it is better to know and not give them more of your energy. Nevertheless, more tact would be nice.

There is no need to argue or beg because there is nothing to go back to. Nothing they can say or do that would ever take back their words, that memory, your pain. 

Let them go…  

Trust me, it hurts like hell but at least you know you’re not being used or lied to anymore. 

Be selfish - care for yourself.

It is alright to be selfish at times. You can’t always only be available to take care of others. If you make time to put yourself first then you can prioritize your goals, interests, and use of your time. This can hopefully help you accomplish more of what you want in life. This is my plan for 2025.

I’m aiming to discover who I am now in life, unapologetically.

Without regretting the past… 

Through accepting my present… 

Being open to what the future holds. 

Slowly, I will learn to trust again, to connect again, and frankly just to live again. 

Everything in life happens for a reason, and as it should… sometimes, it just takes a while to figure out and understand what those reasons are. 

Happy New Year, friends! 

I hope 2025 allows us the opportunity to have a few moments of happiness, vast joyous adventures, and the daily love and appreciation for the awesome people we are.