The plane is taking off whether you are on it or not

Here’s the thing, the plane is taking off whether you are on it or not - so get on it!

I recently had a bad experience where I had a plane ticket and a hotel room, which I only reserved since a friend confirmed they would join. This didn’t happen. They canceled 36 hours before we needed to be at the airport.

Let me tell you a bit about my depression and my anxiety. 

For the last 7 months, I have not been left on my own. The intrusive thoughts are too bad and the anxiety makes bad moments feel more difficult to control. 

Having a person cancel with such a short amount of time shot my anxiety level to a thousand. I tried everything possible - I called people I wouldn’t even have thought of traveling with and offered to cover all expenses. There was no one I could find. I called the hotel and coordinated with travel agents - the cost to change everything would be hundreds of dollars, it would cost more to move the flight than it did to book it.

I was at a standstill.

After much consideration, I decided I needed to force myself to go. It wasn’t worth spending the extra money because I needed to be there for work in a few days and I also needed to be comfortable traveling alone again.

It wasn’t an easy journey though. But there were some lessons learned that I will share with you now, in case you are ever stuck having to do something while your brain tells you it’s impossible to do at the moment.

The trip.

The trip did not go great for the days that I had to be alone. 

Every step in the airport was something I dreaded, knowing that I was alone. Whatever happened, nothing could go wrong because I had to care for myself. The flight made me anxious, of course, the turbulence didn’t help. 

In the hotel, I made one run to the store and I did what I would always do, play music and just focus on the route. I assigned myself simple tasks that seemed manageable - walk straight to the store and back. I did not sit alone in restaurants, not because I couldn’t, just because of the amount of tourists all around. The amount of people made me anxious. So again, simple tasks, since I had to eat, I would just identify a location and walk straight there and back with takeout to eat alone in my room.

In the hotel room, there was never a moment of silence because I still did not trust myself to be alone with my thoughts. The television was on the entire time I was in the room. It might sound obnoxious but just having some background noise can make a difference. 

Once my coworkers arrived, I had company. I was able to contact them to get dinner or even just to go on a trip to the store to grab a snack for breakfast. It was a chance to not feel so alone and worried.

Me before.

I would always travel on my own, especially work trips, I would take the opportunity to schedule additional time and make a map on my phone of places I wanted to see. I would figure out the route and plan everything. I would stay an extra day and visit all the places on my own. I have not been able to do that in nearly a year.

Lessons Learned

This trip, however, allowed me the space to try being on my own again. Even though it was a really tough and stressful situation to deal with, I was able to get through it by trying my best.

Dealing with a situation.

My friend cancelling was one of the toughest situations I could have dealt with for this trip. Everyone has a reason for their actions, most of the time it has nothing to do with you but more with the person themselves. It is inconsiderate to not take into account the other person, in this case, my friend was aware of my situation but did not take the time to cancel with enough time and did not take the time to think about the impact this situation would have on my state of mind.

All I needed to focus on at this time was myself and how I could get through this difficult challenge. I am proud of myself, because during a time of high anxiety, I was able to plan a course to remedy the situation, identify a path for moving forward with a challenging scenario, and identify methods for dealing with the anxiety.

Confronting the challenge head on.

I literally went. I didn’t just give up. I tackled the obstacle and did the best that I could. It would have been so easy to give up. But I pushed myself as much as I could and I’m proud of doing my best.

Forgiving your friends.

I know that my friend did not do this maliciously. I thought about the situation and I took a step back. I did not lash out at this person because that is not the type of person that I am. I do not find it conducive or needed because it is not going to change the past. 

I also took the steps I needed to heal myself. I communicated my feelings and my need for space. This has been respected and when I’m ready I will let this person back into my life. You decide if you let them back in and what that looks like. I know the boundaries I will set with myself for the future of this friendship but I also know that I value this friend and would like to give them another chance. I sincerely hope they are doing well also. 

Taking small steps.

While I was not able to sightsee as I would have in the past, I was able to travel across the country. Next time I know I can take another step and at least visit a few places close to the hotel. I do not feel that I failed because I packed a suitcase, I got on a plane, I checked into a hotel, I picked up dinner, I mingled with coworkers, I attended a conference, I arrived safely back home. Each of those steps get me one inch closer to being well and regaining my life and my independence.

Be open to the challenges and do your best to handle them calmly. If you are too anxious or stressed, take your time and reach out to your support points to ask for advice and to help you identify a solution.